![]() ![]() It’s going to happen, but it doesn’t have to lessen it. What wasn’t real was that idea of real love that used to throw itself into my ‘one days’ like pixie dust.įighting is a part of any relationship. And then we had our first fight. And quite a few more since. I could do it. Because I would be in ‘real love’.Īnd then I met the man who would become my husband. ![]() I know they were in love with each other once, it’s just that somewhere along the way they stumbled and fell out of it.Ĭlearly, it was pretty easy not to fight. They didn’t laugh together or ‘hang out’ together. I never heard them say, ‘I love you’ and I didn’t see them smother each other’s bad days with kisses. ![]() They didn’t say many words to each other at all. They never said a bad word about each or to each other. My parents never fought, so I had good reason to believe that a fight-free relationship was possible. Fighting, even if it was fighting fair, was for the more incompatible.įast forward a couple of decades and what can I say? Not a lot really because I’m almost choking on the naïvety of it all. So where do you draw the line?Īsk each other and answer: Whom do you turn to when struggling with our relationship? Who are your trusted confidants? Are we comfortable sharing details of our sex life? Whom can we vent to after a fight? What’s just between us? By being intentional and coming to an understanding, you’ll avoid future hurt.I used to have this idea that real love was when two people remembered birthdays, anniversaries, and never fought. It’s also completely normal to talk to friends and family about someone you love-or turn to others for support when your relationship gets hard. In an intimate relationship, there is often an assumed privacy between partners, especially around vulnerable issues. “Who gets to know the details of our relationship?” But these talks always go better if they happen before, rather than after, an assumed line is crossed. What constitutes physical or emotional infidelity? This may not be an easy conversation, especially if there are differences in your understanding that need to be ironed out. I recommend discussing what monogamy means to you. Or one partner enjoys watching pornography, but the other considers it a breach of their agreement. ![]() For example, let’s say one partner assumes that monogamy means one should never flirt with others, but the other thinks flirting is fair game. We often assume that we all have the same ideas about what it entails, but these assumptions may leave your relationship vulnerable to accidental betrayals. It’s an agreement with a partner that sets boundaries around what is sacred to your relationship. To help, here are some questions to discuss with your partner: “How do we define monogamy?”īasically, monogamy refers to being in a relationship with-and having sex with-only one person. Truth is, in many cases most emotional land mines could be avoided with a few candid conversations early in the relationship. Often this breach is much more nuanced than “They slept with someone else.” Instead, it can look like “They’re flirting with a coworker,” “They spent the money we were saving for a house,” or “They told their family about our last fight.” One of the most common areas of relationship distress comes in the aftermath of a betrayal. ![]()
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